NOTSOMUCH
I just ran some numbers....
There are 391 LIDS before mine. What does this mean in my head?????
Well originally I was one who would believe with all my heart that the wait would never extend past 40 months. That would be my 37th Birthday... That was what I was truly hoping for... Weellllllllllll for that to happen they would have to refer at least 29 days per month from here on out... Thats not's happening.
If they did 15 days per month that would be an additional 26 months... even that seems unlikely... I'm sad to say the least. I don't know what to think anymore... It's so unpredictable.
I know that after March 06 many people dropped out of the program or switched to SN and are already home... I know at least 50% of my LID group is gone.. out of the program for whatever various reason.... so that is hopeful. But I'm starting to have a hard time being optimistic. A. Really. Hard. Time.
If I went by the norm of what they have been doing which is 6 pathetic days.... That would be 65 more months.... that alone is incomprehensible to me.... So here I am... In this horrible reality of what could be... what is.... and what I don't know if my heart is prepared for.
REALLY?????? My ever-so-wanting to be optimistic brain just can't fathom it. I'm at a loss today.
Thats all.....
I just ran some numbers....
There are 391 LIDS before mine. What does this mean in my head?????
Well originally I was one who would believe with all my heart that the wait would never extend past 40 months. That would be my 37th Birthday... That was what I was truly hoping for... Weellllllllllll for that to happen they would have to refer at least 29 days per month from here on out... Thats not's happening.
If they did 15 days per month that would be an additional 26 months... even that seems unlikely... I'm sad to say the least. I don't know what to think anymore... It's so unpredictable.
I know that after March 06 many people dropped out of the program or switched to SN and are already home... I know at least 50% of my LID group is gone.. out of the program for whatever various reason.... so that is hopeful. But I'm starting to have a hard time being optimistic. A. Really. Hard. Time.
If I went by the norm of what they have been doing which is 6 pathetic days.... That would be 65 more months.... that alone is incomprehensible to me.... So here I am... In this horrible reality of what could be... what is.... and what I don't know if my heart is prepared for.
REALLY?????? My ever-so-wanting to be optimistic brain just can't fathom it. I'm at a loss today.
Thats all.....
12 comments:
No, that won't happen. 65 Months?
I know how absolutely frustrating it can be. I know that nobody can say anything that will make it better. It sucks.
Just always know we'll be here waiting for Julia with you, no matter how long it takes.
I am thinking of you, I am sending you lots of love and support in whatever you do. I know my 38 months was unbearable, I will not even insult you in saying I know how you must feel, because I don't. 65 months?????? unbearable....
I was just talking about this with someone today. I'm almost at 34 moths LID and feel as far from my daughter as the day I submitted my paperwork. I'll be 44 on Friday - started this when I was 40. I'm in it for the long haul but it's crazy when you run the numbers and see how much longer this wait might really be.
Hang in there girl!
65 more months? God that sucks! Hugs to you K....I won't sugarcoat it.
Have you got any special plans this summer?
sucks.
You are going to be one fantastic mom and your julia will just be one fantastic daughter....that once placed in your arms you will swear that you would have waited for her no matter what.
We switched to sn to do our part to shorten the wait....just kidding:) Hope it made you smile a little tho.
Come down for a visit to our crazy house. I know how to make the paradise drink, my kids are crazy, I have 2 dogs and a cat....wait a minute maybe I will just bring the booze and come visit you!
xo
mare
I can't be the eternal optimist on it for you either. The numbers suck and there is no way around that. However, I can tell you that once they place your child in your arms, the wait really does seem worth it. I would have waited double or even triple the time to have the same girl given to me. Hang in there, it's worth it....I promise you that.
My dear dear Kristen... or Matt... or Ten... :)
I am here with you. You're in my head, I'm in hours. We're sharing the same thoughts these days it seems and we didn't even know it.
I'll be 39 in December. 39. THIRTYNINE. I have no idea when that happened, because in my head, I'm still 25... ok, maybe 30 (it was a much better year...lol). When my mother was 39 years old I was 20. Now at 39 myself, my kid will be 1. I think about that all the time, and think about how I got such a late start in the game. I think about how, when my daughter will be able to finally order herself a drink, I'll be the age my mother is now - 58. I hate having to put numbers on things like this, but I understand you, where you're coming from. Time isn't standing still for any of is, and when you're waiting for someone else to make you a parent, it seems that time is the biggest thing to remind you of what you don't have... because so much of it ticks away while we wait.
Yes, many say "well the wait is easier for you because you have a kid". I won't lie - having so much to do during the wait is the most fabulous distraction in the world. And yes, the time flies so much faster when you have a child to chase after. SO MUCH faster. So yes, I'm blessed beyond measure not only to have my daughter, but to have so much to do with all of this time. But truth be told, China is always... ALWAYS on my mind. I try to make sense of it. I try to figure out what the future holds for me. I try to figure out how to go on just living my life without knowing anything about what will happen with the adoption part of it. It's very hard to do that, for me to just say "what will be will be", and more so when you're pushing 40... after having started the process at 35 and knowing that there is no true end in sight.
At the end of December, I'll have waited 3 years logged in. Add to that the 4 months of researching an agency, and then another 10 months of chasing paper, and it's over 4 years in total. I know I personally don't have another 4 years in me... I'm not sure I even have another 2. But no matter what I'm doing on my end, please know that you've got me here with you, waiting with you, and no matter what choices you make for yourself, you will always have a friend in me, for life.
Hang tight sister, live your life as best you can, and hold tight to the dream of becoming a mother... you're going to be fabulous at it, no doubt about it.
Love you, miss you...
The numbers are daunting. I still watch everything closely because I'm still curious to know how long I would have waited if I hadn't dropped out to get married. All we can do is hope that things change in China and that the process becomes faster. I understand the frustration and helplessness you're feeling.
((hugs))
It's so hard. This wait.
I almost died a few years ago... and I'm telling you I think this wait is the hardest thing I've ever had to endure...beats the almost dying, painful recovery hands down. So that's saying something. LOL!
I have no idea how much longer any of us will wait. But I do feel a little optimistic that things may change just a little after we get through March. And in my heart I really truly can't believe you'd wait 65 MORE months. I just don't see that happening.
It's okay to feel defeated in this sometimes. There's no way not to. Just keep pressing on. And if there's anything I can do to ease your pain... let me know.
I am thinking of you. I have no other words. I will continue to pray that things speed up!
I am thinking of you. I have no other words. I will continue to pray that things speed up!
Thanks :o) you guys are the best and I will forever treasure that we all came together because of it.
I'm not exactly sad... more just dumbfounded... I have for so long lived in this safe little place in my brain where I just keep saying it will only be 18 more months... that always seemed to be my number. I don't know why.. it just always sounded good. I never actually put the numbers together.. didn't care to. I had 18 more months! So actually sitting there and figuring it out shocked me into reality.
I will wait no matter how long it takes... I got nothing but time... just holy cow... I didn't realize how much time that would involve.
Thanks for the pick me up... a person can never have too many of those!
And yes Mare... I did get a good chuckle out of that! Thanks for doing your part... hehe!
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